October 6, 2009

(This posting is me putting my thoughts down and searching for encouragement in Scripture. I'm not writing because I think you all need help with marriage/relationships, I'm just writing because I'm in some need of encouragement and strong Bible verse myself :) )
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Sometimes I get frustrated when I feel like I'm failing as a wife.

Perhaps because I've only been married 9 months I feel like I'm still trying to learn the clear difference between raising issues that concern me and nagging or just complaining.

Now, let me set the record straight. I absolutely ADORE my husband, he's wonderful in every way. I firmly believe that I have the most amazing husband in the world, sorry ladies ;) He's a firm believer, handsome, fun, crazy, exciting, a dreamer, he loves deeply, encourages me, perseverant, supportive, etc. etc. But, what I LOVE the most about him is that he is my best friend. We never get tired of spending time together and even more importantly, we shoot straight with each other. We offer advice where we think each other can improve. Merely because we believe in each others' potential!

But, I guess I just get paranoid that I'm not bringing issues into the light in the right tone or time.

And then the Lord ever so gently reminds me...

Ephesians 4:15 "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ."

And who better to assist me in continually trying to speak the truth in love? My Savior!

....

But still... sometimes I feel so guilty when I open my mouth to voice something that I'm sure will cause tension. I hate fighting and I try to avoid it at all costs. However, in all my marriage counseling books I've read it is totally normal and HEALTHY to have appropriate conflict and disagreements... for it grows your marriage.

Romans 12: 17-18 "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone"

Clearly, we are called to live at peace with everyone. However, we all know that burying our unsolved issues brews bitterness which leads to resentment. That is why I believe it is important to have healthy conflict so then you are able to live at peace with each other.

But, what do I think is most vital in this whole issue?

Focusing on changing me.

2 Corinthians 13:5 "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you-- unless, of course, you fail the test?"

Matthew 7:15 "Do not judge lest you be judged... You hypocrite, FIRST take the log out of your OWN eye, and THEN you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

I'm to love and serve my husband, to pray for him, support him and encourage him. But, as far as continually working out salvation and producing an abundance of fruits of the Spirit, that is my duty and my calling for my life. So, for now, my remedy is to continue letting the Lord sweetly break me and grow me into who I'm called to be... and I BELIEVE the rest (marriage, life, etc.) will fall into place because my God is a Huge God!

And so it remains, I'm desperately learning how to live a life of extravagantly love.

-Danielle